


Something’s Gotta Give

by RootsArrow (SparklingDarkAngel)



Series: Malec Hurt/Comfort [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parent Asmodeus, Breaking Up & Making Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Nightmares, Past Attempted Suicide, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 15:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18640951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingDarkAngel/pseuds/RootsArrow
Summary: Alec knows that something is wrong with Magnus, but getting him to open up isn’t easy. Knowing something has to give, Magnus finally opens up about his heartbreak and abuse.





	Something’s Gotta Give

**Author's Note:**

> Please check warnings in tags and read with care.

The city was never quiet, but as the sun was rising on the horizon, it held a certain softness to it. On the balcony, Magnus gazed at the soft, pink sky. The air was warm against his skin, yet underneath he still felt cold. He sipped at his coffee, willing his mind to turn the inner noise off for just a minute. 

It had been months since he had gotten back together with Alexander after the whole Asmodeus incident. Ever since, a weight had hung from him. He couldn’t forget the way Alec’s lips went limp beneath his as he pulled away from Magnus, the pathetic sound of his own begging for Alec to stay, and the cold eyes of his father as he silently reveled in his son’s pain. 

His own father had tried to break him for his own gain, and the demon had almost succeeded. And Alexander, though he meant well, had tossed him out onto the street like garbage, vulnerable and exposed to that predator. In all his immortal years, nothing had ever hurt him quite so bad. Not even after playing Freaky Friday with Valentine. 

He tried to blame Alec, but in his heart he couldn’t. Asmodeus had played them both. That was what he was good at. 

From within the loft, Magnus could hear the rustling of his lover. He made his way back inside where Alec stood in the doorway, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Good morning, Alexander,” he greeted with as warm a smile as he could muster. 

“You’re up early,” Alec commented. 

“Indeed,” Magnus agreed. 

“Nightmares again?”

Magnus stilled. Of course Alec was right, but he didn’t need to know it. “On the contrary, I slept like a rock,” he answered, flashing his teeth in a way that he hoped would be convincing. “Breakfast?”

While he walked towards the kitchen, his distracted mind didn’t realize that Alec had followed him until his arms were wrapped around him from behind. Magnus jumped slightly, startled. “You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?” Alec said softly. Magnus barely heard him over the sound of blood rushing through his head. “Please, just talk to me?”

“Why, so you can try to leave me for my own good again?” Magnus asked sharply as he pulled out of Alec’s embrace. He regretted it as soon as he saw the pain written all over his lover’s face. “I’m sorry,” Magnus tried to apologize. “That isn’t fair.”

“It’s perfectly fair,” Alec argued, now unable to meet his eyes. 

Magnus suddenly felt like a stranger standing in his own kitchen. “Alexander, it’s alright-“

“-It’s not alright!” Alec cut him off. “And after everything we’ve been through, I should have seen this coming.”

A heavy silence filled the loft. Magnus felt his heart speed up, squeezing uncomfortablely in his chest. He took a step forward and grasped Alec’s hand, hoping he wouldn’t feel the shaking. “Seen what coming?”

Alec finally met his eyes. “When you’re upset, you put on a brave face and say you’re fine. You did it when you lost your magic, and you almost died because I couldn’t see how much you were hurting.”

“I didn’t want to burden you,” Magnus whispered, tears filling up in his eyes. He could never do that to Alec. The shadowhunter deserved so much more. “I wouldn’t want to make you spend the rest of your life watching me suffer.”

His lover visibly flinched. “I- I didn’t- I didn’t mean that,” Alec stuttered. 

“And yet you did turn me over to my father just so you wouldn’t have to see me suffer,” Magnus pointed out bitterly. 

Alec grabbed at Magnus’s arms with desperation. “I thought you were going to die, Magnus!” he exclaimed, his voice rising in both volume and pitch. Magnus could only stare in shock as Alec’s tirade continued. “I watched you almost kill yourself trying to use Lorenzo’s magic, and I saw how it destroyed you to lose it! Magnus, I was so scared that your next attempt was going to kill you because you said your magic was worth dying for! I couldn’t just stand by and let that happen, not if I could do something about it!”

His shouts broke off into a strangled cry as tears spilled over his eyes, and he collapsed into Magnus’s arms. The warlock clutched him tightly, letting his words sink in. Each felt like a ball of ice in his stomach. “God, Alexander,” Magnus mumbled into his hair. “You were just trying to save my life.”

The shadowhunter shuddered in his arms, and Magnus suddenly felt weak. His knees trembled, and he guided the both of them down to the floor. He didn’t think he could stay standing another minute. Alec didn’t fight, simply leaning into Magnus as he cried silently. Magnus reached up and began to run his fingers through the other man’s hair. “It’s okay now, Alexander,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to scare you so badly. I’m okay now. We’re okay.”

Of course Magnus had tried to understand why Alec did what he did, but never did he imagine the terror the young shadowhunter must have been feeling. It wasn’t an unknown feeling to Magnus. When Iris infiltrated Max’s party and bewitched everyone, he almost hadn’t gotten to Alec in time. He still remembered the feeling of nausea as Alec’s feet slipped off the roof. 

No wonder Alec had acted so drastically. 

“I’m so sorry,” Magnus whispered. 

“You don’t have to apologize for being in pain,” Alec replied, clearing his throat. “But please, don’t shut me out. Let me in before your feelings pile up and explode.” 

For a moment, the whole world felt still as Magnus and Alec sat on the floor holding each other. They were just two lost souls who somehow, against all odds, kept finding their way back to each other. Maybe it was time to stop getting lost in the first place. 

“It was nightmares again,” Magnus admitted, hoping Alec would take the olive branch. “That’s why I was awake so early.”

Alec pulled away from his chest to look into his eyes. “Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked. 

Magnus bit his lip and shook his head, feeling the pressure building behind his eyes. “It’s my father,” he continued. “It’s- it’s always him.” Alec squeezed his hands hard, and Magnus squeezed back, grateful for the comfort. “He used to get me to hurt people, even did his best to make sure I liked it. If I did, he would smile and lather me with praise.” The warlock swallowed hard. “And if I didn’t, he would hurt me.”

“By the angel, Magnus. I’m so sorry. I never knew.”

“How could you?” Magnus asked with a humorless laugh. “It’s not as if I told you. I had repressed it pretty far down up until I ended up in Valentine’s body and the guards... well, you remember.” 

Alec nodded slowly. “You said it brought up old memories you hadn’t thought of in a long time.”

“He told me I was weak for feeling anything besides anger and sadism,” Magnus continued. “And because I didn’t know any better and craved his affection, I went along with it.”

“He’s can’t hurt you anymore,” Alec reminded him. “He’s gone now, and if he weren’t, I’d rip his heart out myself.”

Magnus smirked at the shadowhunter clinging to him. “So dark,” he commented. “That’s kinda hot.”

Eliciting a genuine laugh from Alec seemed to wash away all the pain Magnus had felt that morning, replacing it with love for the man who would walk through hell and back for him and hope for a happier future. It hurt loosing Alec, but the joy of finding him again and again was easing old wounds. Deep down he had always known his father was wrong. He had just been too scared to accept it. But laying his soul bare to Alec for him to love felt so good unlike anything ever had before. 

“How about I make breakfast today?” Alec suggested. “You had a rough night. Go relax. Let me take care of you.” He pushed himself back to his feet, then turned to help pull Magnus up. 

“Be careful,” Magnus warned. “A man could get used to this kind of treatment.”

Alec placed a gentle kiss against Magnus’s grin, and Magnus kissed him back slowly, savoring the taste of Alec’s morning breath. “Well then,” Alec whispered as he pulled away to press his forehead against Magnus’s. “Aren’t I lucky that I have the rest of my life to spoil you?”

**Author's Note:**

> #TeamPunchAsmodeusInTheFace


End file.
